The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHTI installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
More Steven Wright Quotes
-
-
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT






