The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
STEVEN WRIGHTI installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT