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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

Steven Wright

Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT

One Liner People
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Hairs Himself Mirror Reflection See
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fight Funny Gift Myself Room
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Alcohol Myself Photograph Thinking Woman
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Darkness Device Myself
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forget Funny Myself
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Listening Mistake Yourself
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Myself Police Reading See Stop Time
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Flight Leaving One Liner Yourself
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Idiot Ocean Stand Wait
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Identity Person Play Race
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Attention Believe Himself Myself Sick
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Flavor Food Funny
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Hands Myself Science Yourself
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Literature Word
You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fall Feeling Myself Sit Time

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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