Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHTMonday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHTPlan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHTMy friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHTI put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHTI went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHTConsciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHTI think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
STEVEN WRIGHTIs it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHTSupport bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT