There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHTI had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT