If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHTI had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Clones are people two.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT






