How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHTI had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT