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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

Steven Wright

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Mathematics Pronunciation Sound
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Discipline Funny Himself Person Time
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Flavor Food Funny
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Idiot Ocean Stand Wait
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fantasy Himself Stop Weapon
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Education Funny Myself Perfection Practice Stop Teacher
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Control Death Game Yourself
Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Average Level People Yourself
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bill Country Freedom Funny Phone Talk
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Deep Funny Live Nature Ocean
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Crime Man Office Photograph Writing
My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHT

Better Doctor Myself Pay Right Work Yourself
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Buy Fame Friendship Herself Popular Toy
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Man Sad Yourself
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Identity Person Play Race
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Money Thinking Worth Yourself

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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