All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT