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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Myself Quick Toy
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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