Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHTNo one is listening until you make a mistake.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHT