I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHTNo one is listening until you make a mistake.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT