I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHTNo one is listening until you make a mistake.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHT