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No one is listening until you make a mistake.

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Listening Mistake Yourself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Memories Photograph Yourself
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Deep Funny Live Nature Ocean
My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Better Doctor Myself Pay Right Work Yourself
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Myself People
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Drive Learning Yourself
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Fantasy Himself Stop Weapon
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Lost Myself Place Thinking
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Mathematics Pronunciation Sound
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Believe Funny Myself Police Reading See Stop Time
$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Funny Mathematics People Trouble
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Alphabet Order Song
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Funny Identity Person Play Race
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Animal Flavor Food Funny
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Appearance Imagination Phone Weird Yourself
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Man Sad Yourself

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