Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHTNo one is listening until you make a mistake.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT