If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHTNo one is listening until you make a mistake.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT






