You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHTI intend to live forever. So far, so good.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT