If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHTI intend to live forever. So far, so good.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Clones are people two.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT