Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHTI intend to live forever. So far, so good.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT