On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT