Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Clones are people two.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT