Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
STEVEN WRIGHT