I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT