How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHTThere’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Clones are people two.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHT