Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHTThere’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHT