There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHTThere’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHTMy nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHTSome friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHTI have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHTAll those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHTI’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHTLast night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHTYou know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTConsciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHTI went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHTOne time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHTIf at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHTI installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT