Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHTMy dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT