Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHT