Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Clones are people two.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT