I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHT