If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHTHow do you get off a non-stop flight?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHT