If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHTHow do you get off a non-stop flight?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
STEVEN WRIGHT