How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHTHow do you get off a non-stop flight?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Half the people you know are below average.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT






