Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHTHow do you get off a non-stop flight?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT