When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHTI am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Half the people you know are below average.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT






