I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHTI couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT






