If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHTIn my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Clones are people two.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT