Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT