If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Half the people you know are below average.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHT