If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Half the people you know are below average.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHT