Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT