I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHTIf at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Clones are people two.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHT