Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHT






