The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
STEVEN WRIGHT