If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Half the people you know are below average.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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Clones are people two.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT