If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT






