If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT