You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.
RON WHITEPeople are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.
More Ron White Quotes
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I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.
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It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.
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The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
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You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
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Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.
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I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
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I’ve asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don’t understand it. But I don’t understand a lot of things.
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I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’
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All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world.
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You know, my first album, some of those jokes I’d done for twelve years because I couldn’t throw ’em out.
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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
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A killer Cuban restaurant with a giant cigar bar. Have me a Cuban sandwich. That’s just like heaven to me. I’m a simple man.
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There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
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I was by far the least popular of the Blue Collar crew when we started. There was a definite pecking order, and everybody knew it.
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
RON WHITE