I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
RON WHITEMy goal is just to become a better comedian.
More Ron White Quotes
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I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.
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I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
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My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.
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Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
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Here’s how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She don’t even see me coming.
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If I’m not in the theatre, I’m in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.
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If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it’s being true to their nature… that’s what takes a long time to learn.
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I don’t like to do material people have heard. Now, they like to hear material that they know, because that’s the stuff that made me famous, and, unfortunately, I don’t do a ton of it.
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Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.
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Donald Trump – and I don’t dislike Donald one single bit – has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.
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I don’t do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil’s show. He’s a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn’t give me any advice. He doesn’t give solicited advice.
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The only thing I really worry about is my live stand-up show because I have to answer to the fans.
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Everybody I know is a joke writer.
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I consider it an honor and a privilege to give back however I can for the many sacrifices of these incredibly brave men and women.
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I do a lot of gay-friendly stuff in my show, and men, women, they all love it. I practice non-judgment in my daily life and hope other people do the same thing.
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I was always a funny guy. I don’t think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn’t a funny guy when they were young.
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You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.
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Television is 15 hour days. Movies are 18 hour days. And it’s 18 hours of doing not a thing.
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My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
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My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I’m very ‘preacher-ish’ on stage, not by intent but because that’s where I learned to talk in front of people.
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I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
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TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.
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There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
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I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!
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Let’s face it: a lot of my material comes from the stuff that happens to me on the road.
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The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
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