You can’t fix stupid.
RON WHITEAny time someone achieves success before they’ve earned it, it always comes back to haunt them.
More Ron White Quotes
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I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.
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I’ve gathered some of my close musical and comedian friends, and we’re going to see if we can’t bring a few laughs to these soldiers, raise some money, and hopefully lift their spirits.
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I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
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I’ve never been one to look up the ladder. I’ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there’s one guy down there, I’m fine.
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I don’t do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil’s show. He’s a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn’t give me any advice. He doesn’t give solicited advice.
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Movies are boring. It’s like watching paint dry. I did a little role in a movie, and it was eight lines. I was there for three days. It’s just horrible.
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My life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I’ve been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don’t really look outside for stories.
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I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!
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I didn’t get where I am today by worryin’ about how I’d feel tomorrow.
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If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.
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I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He’s probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can’t say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.
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I’m set up where I make a lot of money doing stand-up, and it’s easy.
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The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
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Television is 15 hour days. Movies are 18 hour days. And it’s 18 hours of doing not a thing.
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Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
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