You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
RON WHITEI always found that the closer I got to who I really am, on stage, the more they responded to it.
More Ron White Quotes
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It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.
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When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable – onstage, talking, making ’em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.
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I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
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I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’
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The bulk of my fans are my age, and I’m aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it’s addicting, really.
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The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
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The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
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The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy.
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People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.
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There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
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I’ve asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don’t understand it. But I don’t understand a lot of things.
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I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you’re a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.
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I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.
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There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
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I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.
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I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I’ve always done. That’s really where my best stuff comes from. I don’t know how it happens. It just happens.
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Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
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I always wanted to be a popular comedian.
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There have been times in my life that I’ve had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.
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I’ve got a great cigar collection – it’s actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn’t going to smoke every last one of ’em.
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Let’s face it: a lot of my material comes from the stuff that happens to me on the road.
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You can’t fix stupid.
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I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers – doesn’t matter if its something my wife hates.
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I’m set up where I make a lot of money doing stand-up, and it’s easy.
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Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
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