I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






