I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD