My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






