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Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

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You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you’ll win, no matter what the outcome.
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I love kids, but they are a tough audience.
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Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.
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Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.
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For a while you get mad, then you get over it.
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If you’re that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem.
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If women ran the world, we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
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Please, don’t worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting.
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You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.
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Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.
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I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.
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Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
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Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.
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The human body was designed by a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?
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To live would be an awfully big adventure.
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When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.
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