Humour Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Humour with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Humour quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.
OSCAR WILDE

Exercise Funny Humour Respect World Youth
Love the neighbour. But don’t get caught.
STEPHEN HAWKING

Catch Humour Love Neighbour
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Atatch Clothes Dog Dress Fashion Humour Reason Respect
I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact.
ELON MUSK

Die Humour ImpAction Mars
If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn’t show up.
DR. SEUSS

Character Dinner Humour Invitation Party Show
You’re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
ROWAN ATKINSON

Contest Humour Man Sarcastic
Fashion is made to become unfashionable.
COCO CHANEL

Fashion Funny Humour One Liner
Animals are my friends and I don’t eat my friends.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Animal Eat Friendship Funny Humour Vegetarian
Take one cup of love, two cups of loyalty, three cups of forgiveness, four quarts of faith and one barrel of laughter.
ZIG ZIGLAR

Faith Forgiveness Humour Laughter Love Loyalty
You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

Alarm Clock Funny Humour One Liner Success
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN

Acceptance Attitude Humour Lying Myself Reason Truth
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Homeless Humour Naked Shell
Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

Flatter Humour Rose
Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.
JANE AUSTEN

Chance Funny Happiness Humour Marriage
Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.
DALAI LAMA

Break Funny Humour Inspirational One Liner Rules
Never be bored, and you will never be boring.
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

Bore Deep Humour One Liner
The world belongs to those who set out to conquer it armed with self confidence and good humor.
CHARLES DICKENS

Confidence Goodness Humour World
To be awake is to be alive. I have never yet met a man who was quite awake.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Alive Awake Humour Man Quiet
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny House Humour Place Stuff
I was the first woman to burn my bra – it took the fire department four days to put it out.
DOLLY PARTON

Bra Burn Department Fire Humour Sarcastic Woman
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX

Book Education Humour Read Room Television
I’m an atheist and I thank God for it.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Atheist God Humour One Liner Religion
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN

Failure Humour Hustle Inspirational Success Try
Do I really want to be integrated into a burning house?
JAMES BALDWIN

Burn Funny House Humour Integrated
Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal.
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR

Forget Humour Inspirational Legal
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Bomb Humour Kill Weapon Woman
I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bagpipe Crack Hook Humour People Play

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