Funny Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Funny with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Funny quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

An eye for an eye. We are all blind.
DALAI LAMA

Blind Eyes Funny Humour One Liner
One must never set up a murder. They must happen unexpectedly, as in life.
ALFRED HITCHCOCK

Expectation Funny Murder Oneself
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm. I really hope no one misinterprets this quote as being about masturbation.
AUDREY HEPBURN

Comedy Funny Homour
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
WALT DISNEY

Funny Humour Love Woman
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX

Best Friend Friendship Funny Goodness Jail Try
Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.
MARILYN MONROE

Conquer Fashion Funny Girl Shoes World
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

Dead Funny Humour One Liner Secret
I be goofy, kinda funny. Acting stupid but they love me.
MAC MILLER

Acting Celebrity Funny
You have to make the rules, not follow them.
ISAAC NEWTON

Follow Funny One Liner Rule
I phoned my grandparents and my grandfather said ‘We saw your movie.’ ‘Which one?’ I said. He shouted ‘Betty, what was the name of that movie I didn’t like?
BRAD PITT

Family Funny Movie Myself Name Phone
If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there’d be a shortage of sand.
MILTON FRIEDMAN

Funny Government Politics Rule Yourself
Love, what a long way, to arrive at a kiss.
PABLO NERUDA

Arrive Couple Funny Kiss Love Romantic
What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
GEORGE CARLIN

Dog Funny Inspirational Job Lying
There should be more sincerity and heart in human relations, more silence and simplicity in our interactions. Be rude when you’re angry, laugh when something is funny, and answer when you’re asked.
ANTON CHEKHOV

Angry Answer Funny Heart Human Laughter Sincere Yourself
You’re not a man, you’re a mushroom!
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY

Funny Humour Man Mushroom
There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.
CLINT EASTWOOD

Divorce Funny Happiness Learning Marriage Oneself
First, I blow a hole in your face; then I go back inside, and sleep like a baby… I guarantee you.
CLINT EASTWOOD

Baby Face Funny Life Yourself
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Happiness Key Life Money People
If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Funny Network Number Phone Psychics
Ask no questions and you’ll hear no lies.
JAMES JOYCE

Funny Lying
A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.
CHER

Funny Man Oneself Right Time Wait Woman Wonderful Wrong
I’m a funny person, but I take my music seriously.
CARDI B

Funny Music Person Serious
I’m not a vegetarian! I’m a dessertarian!
BILL WATTERSON

Dessert Food Funny Vegetarian
We’re intellectual opposites. Well, I’m intellectual and you’re opposite.
MAE WEST

Funny Intellectual Opposite
I think that I’m so psychotic and so mentally ill that if I could tap into that I could do something really interesting.
MEGAN FOX

Funny Interesting Mental Thinking
People made fun of my skinny legs.
SHAWN MENDES

Appearance Body Funny People
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.
DICK GREGORY

Funny Lost Money Myself Weapon

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