Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
NORM MACDONALDThe standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
NORM MACDONALD