I don’t have any ambition.
NORM MACDONALDI don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALD