Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
NORM MACDONALDMany frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
NORM MACDONALD