I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
NORM MACDONALDHe that searches for praise will often find contempt.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
NORM MACDONALD






