With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
NORM MACDONALDSome people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
NORM MACDONALD -
In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
NORM MACDONALD






