All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
NORM MACDONALDSome people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
-
-
There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
NORM MACDONALD -
The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
NORM MACDONALD -
They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
NORM MACDONALD -
I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
NORM MACDONALD -
Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
NORM MACDONALD -
Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
NORM MACDONALD -
I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
NORM MACDONALD -
The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
NORM MACDONALD -
In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
NORM MACDONALD -
Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
NORM MACDONALD -
He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
NORM MACDONALD -
A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
NORM MACDONALD -
Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
NORM MACDONALD -
When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
NORM MACDONALD -
I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
NORM MACDONALD