If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
JOAN RIVERSOn the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
JOAN RIVERS






