To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
JOAN RIVERSOne of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
JOAN RIVERS