To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
JOAN RIVERSOne of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
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With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
JOAN RIVERS