Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
JOAN RIVERSA female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS