Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
JOAN RIVERSA female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
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You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
JOAN RIVERS