You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
JOAN RIVERSA female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Better laid than never.
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I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
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A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
JOAN RIVERS