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There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.

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Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Children Early Memories Myself Parents
Old age is always ten years more than we are.
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Age Old Reality
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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Change Decision Himself Husband Marriage Mindset Myself
In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Day Expectation Life Yourself
I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Himself Husband Love Myself
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Age Breathe Funny Happiness Inspiration One Liner
If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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Funny God Himself
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Eat Food Yourself
The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
JOAN RIVERS

Act Listening Rule Survive Thinking Yourself
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
JOAN RIVERS

Children Funny Myself Toys
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Process Worry
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
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Date Fashion Marriage Mom Myself

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