Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
JOAN RIVERSThere are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Old age is always ten years more than we are.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
JOAN RIVERS