A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
JOAN RIVERSYour anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
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Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
JOAN RIVERS