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I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Love Man Woman
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Enjoyment Fast Life Stay Strong Wrong
You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Deep Inspirational Kill Time Yourself
There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
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Book Different Education Help Misfortune
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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Body Death Laughter Memories Myself
You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
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Animal Start Time Yourself
I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
JOAN RIVERS

Myself Oneself Thankful
Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Advice Feeling Goodness Mindset Thinking Wisdom Yourself
I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
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Daughter Hate Herself Himself Myself
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Children Early Memories Myself Parents
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Eat Food Yourself
I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Cook Food Myself
Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
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Forever Life Myself
If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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Deal Laugh Yourself
On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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Daughter Down And Mother
My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
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Born Death Funny Hate Myself Parents

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