Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
JOAN RIVERSDon’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
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There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
JOAN RIVERS -
Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
JOAN RIVERS -
Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
JOAN RIVERS