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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.

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Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
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All Bad Country Cut Hair Know People Run Taxicab Too
I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
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Access Failure Hate Rather Something
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
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I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Air Clean Dirty Remember Sex
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
GEORGE BURNS

Better Failure Hate Honesty Something Success
It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Aur Change Clean Dirty Hard Remember These Used
This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
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Book Guy Raed Sixth Two Written
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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Begining Close End Good Have Possible Secret Together
Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
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Age Anywhere Here Nice
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
GEORGE BURNS

Age No Out Women Worth
If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
GEORGE BURNS

Age Die Few Got Hundred Made One Past People Very
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
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Came Down Everything Goes Time Up When
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
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Bad Cigar Depend Good Handle Happiness Much Woman
The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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