It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
GEORGE BURNSHappiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
More George Burns Quotes
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
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You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
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I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
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I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
GEORGE BURNS -
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
GEORGE BURNS