Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNSHappiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
More George Burns Quotes
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
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I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
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It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
GEORGE BURNS