Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNSFirst you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
More George Burns Quotes
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
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You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GEORGE BURNS