Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
GEORGE BURNSFirst you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
More George Burns Quotes
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS