How can I die? I’m booked.
GEORGE BURNSFirst you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
More George Burns Quotes
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
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Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
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You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
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This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
GEORGE BURNS