To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
FRAN LEBOWITZDo not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
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Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
FRAN LEBOWITZ