If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZDo not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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My favorite animal is steak.
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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You’re only as good as your last haircut.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
FRAN LEBOWITZ