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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.

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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Before Could Happen Met Original People Possible Thought
My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
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Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
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Always Insufferable Spoil Success
Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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Anything Bother Children Discuss Small
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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Actual Being Excuse Football Good Interest Male Play Simply Special Transsexual Woman
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
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Buy Child Dinner Only Want
You’re only as good as your last haircut.
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Good Haircut Last Only
I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
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Adulthood Anyone Child Children Happen never Smart Wonder
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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Cut Good Interset Lack Meal Purpose Sense Unaccompanied Vegetable
All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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Barely Beautiful Children God Most Presentable
Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
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Adult Children Cloth Designer Few Snowsuit Successfully Worn
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Good Humility One Liner Personality Substitute
Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
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And Fame Famous Made More People
Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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Back Cloth Hotel Relinquish Specified Tell Want
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
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Calculation Chance Done Identical Lottery Play Win

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