No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZThe conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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You’re only as good as your last haircut.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
FRAN LEBOWITZ






