No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZNo animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZI’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
FRAN LEBOWITZGreat people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
FRAN LEBOWITZThere is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
FRAN LEBOWITZRemember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
FRAN LEBOWITZThe conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
FRAN LEBOWITZIf you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZHaving been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
FRAN LEBOWITZDon’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
FRAN LEBOWITZRadio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
FRAN LEBOWITZAndy Warhol made fame more famous.
FRAN LEBOWITZI never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
FRAN LEBOWITZFood is an important part of a balanced diet.
FRAN LEBOWITZOriginal thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
FRAN LEBOWITZCalling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
FRAN LEBOWITZI figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
FRAN LEBOWITZ