No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZAll God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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My favorite animal is steak.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
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The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
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I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
FRAN LEBOWITZ