No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZNothing succeeds like address.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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You’re only as good as your last haircut.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
FRAN LEBOWITZ