Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
FRAN LEBOWITZDon’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
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If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
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The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
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I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
FRAN LEBOWITZ






