All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
FRAN LEBOWITZBeing a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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My favorite animal is steak.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
FRAN LEBOWITZ






