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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

Erma Bombeck

It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
ERMA BOMBECK

Communication Inspirational Life Listening Suffering
The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Food Funny Lion Wrong
When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Path Tough
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Doctor Funny Humor Inspirational Plant
When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECK

Appearance Home Humor Time Travel Yourself
Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Clean Funny Home Mom
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Humor Moments Woman
I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECK

Exploration Food Funny Humor Myself
Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
ERMA BOMBECK

Brain Damage Funny Injury
I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
ERMA BOMBECK

Angry Book Children Family Funny Hands Kiss Myself Reading Theory Yourself
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Experience Food Funny Hope Humor Man Myself Pieces Travel
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
ERMA BOMBECK

Determination Difference Fame Greatness Success
Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECK

Design Fashion Human Literature Myself
Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Funny Parents Reward Survive
Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
ERMA BOMBECK

Live Play Religious See Travel Understand Yourself
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
ERMA BOMBECK

Body Born Children Deep Mom Pregnant

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

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Popular Authors

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