I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
EMO PHILIPSI think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
EMO PHILIPSAlways remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
EMO PHILIPSI’ve been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I’m pleased to say I’ve won.
EMO PHILIPSMy parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
EMO PHILIPSI think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
EMO PHILIPSMy first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know… You break it, you buy it.
EMO PHILIPSYou know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
EMO PHILIPSThe American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
EMO PHILIPSDon’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?
EMO PHILIPSWhen I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
EMO PHILIPSSo I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
EMO PHILIPSLord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
EMO PHILIPSNot everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
EMO PHILIPSNow there’s a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
EMO PHILIPSI’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?
EMO PHILIPSOnce I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
EMO PHILIPS