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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.

Emo Philips

Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
EMO PHILIPS

Computer Intelligence Thinking
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
EMO PHILIPS

Myself Organ Thinking Wonderful
One man’s pet-stained carpet is another man’s Twister game.
EMO PHILIPS

Carpet Game Man Oneself
I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic… in morse code.
EMO PHILIPS

Away Construction Day Myself Walk
All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
EMO PHILIPS

Earth Hate Live Nation Peace Prejudice Reality Reason Togetherness
I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.
EMO PHILIPS

Confession Myself Scare
I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
EMO PHILIPS

Concept Gift God Myself Thinking
People come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.
EMO PHILIPS

Concern Myself People Reproduction
Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
EMO PHILIPS

Hate Meet Myself People
I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
EMO PHILIPS

Charge Devil Herself Himself Lesson Thinking
When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
EMO PHILIPS

Age Courage Myself School Time
I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
EMO PHILIPS

Evolution Goodness Myself Thankful
I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?
EMO PHILIPS

Character Myself Permanent
Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?
EMO PHILIPS

Animal Clothes Fashion Yourself
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.
EMO PHILIPS

Blank Children Love Myself School Watch
I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
EMO PHILIPS

Body Corpse Myself Often

The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.

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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.

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